Jewish weddings in North Carolina

B'nei Mitzvot

So your son or daughter is going to turn thirteen? Time for a Bar Mitzvah (boy) or Bat Mitzvah (girl)? Here is the puzzle: what kind of event can make both teenagers and adults happy? Obviously, the fewer things you have in common with your particular new teenager and cohorts, the fewer answers there are to that question. We sympathize.

In our experience, the two approaches guaranteed to alienate the most attendants are those at two extremes:

• Events catered exclusively to the kids, with loud canned music, sleazy excess, and kids running all over the place.

• Stiff, formal adult events, rich in status symbols, where the kids' wishes are totally subjugated to the parents' need to impress their peers and relatives.

Best is to acknowledge, in advance,that several groups must be served. Parents and child should negotiate in a flexible, mature way (parents should provide the good exampe!). Who does this party celebrate and honor? The child, of course, but also the people who have worked hard to make this day happen: the parents, the grandparents to whom both generations owe a debt, the community at large which by its attendance respects and honors the child's accomplishments and willingness to join that very community.

We as parents need to give the kids room to blow off steam and celebrate in their own way - but we also see their willingness to participate in rituals of politeness and gratitude as part of the transition to adulthood.

The most successful events are put on by families where everyone's preferences are acknowledged. The child accepts the parents' tastes, and vice versa. We also see that often the teenagers will find themselves enjoying the traditional aspects of the event (for instance, the chair dance) more than they expected.

Mappamundi tries to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. We enjoy providing traditional Jewish music, but we also enjoy making kids happy.

If you will accept nothing but chamber music and your child is screaming for a rock singer with safety pinned nostrils, we can't help you. But if your family unit can negotiate successfully, we certainly offer a wider range of music than most bands for you to choose from!